Warning in the Water

Searchers after fiction haunt strange, far places.

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Psymon
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Warning in the Water

Post by Psymon » Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:07 pm

Well, here goes, my second attempt at fiction. I may even get round to finishing this one, I've got most of it laid out in my head, just got to write it down. Any critique is appreciated.



“Why? Why did you have to get us passage on a Hiver ship?â€
Ernest Hemingway once said the world is a good place and worth fighting for. I agree with the latter sentiment.

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Slasher
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Post by Slasher » Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:34 pm

Just a quick pointer, whenever I start a new story I always use the first chapter to describe as much of the setting and any characters presented in the chapter as possible. So basicly, more descriptions of the surroundings and the characters would help a new reader visualise the setting and characters.
Also rather than just presenting the text the characters say, I always try to describe how they say it, and who's saying it.
And lastly, theres no need to try and mention or use ALL or even a lot of the characters in the first chapter. Present them latter when they enter the story.
Just something to keep in mind in the future...
But I would say its all round good presentation of charater personalities, though a little more describtion is always nice.
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Post by DervMan » Tue Jun 05, 2007 6:02 pm

On the other hand and something I've experimented with, giving the reader relatively little information and keeping the text snappy can also work.

The holes in the plot are filled in over time.

Now of course the disadvantage of this is that the reader gets bored.

For me? I like it as an introduction. It sets a scene. As Slasher says, it is a little stark... but this may be the way the story is designed to unfold. Or it may be your style?

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Post by Slasher » Tue Jun 05, 2007 6:27 pm

The "short and snappy" is for action or when things are going really fast.
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Post by fibio » Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:36 pm

I like it, a little more discription would be nice but yeah, it's good. I wonder where they are going?
Buy my book - Six Seconds of Moonlight on the kindle store.

Anyone can be a god beneath the moonlight, but who can be a hero?

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Post by Psymon » Tue Jun 05, 2007 7:48 pm

I've got two exams tomorrow (I know, dumb time to start writing, but it helps me relax) so I haven't written much today. I'll continue tomorrow, or when revision gets too dull.
Ernest Hemingway once said the world is a good place and worth fighting for. I agree with the latter sentiment.

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Post by Psymon » Wed Jun 06, 2007 12:07 am

Well, it turns out revision really is that dull, so here's the next bit. Quite long, now I come to look at it. I should probably get some sleep. I might not get another up tomorrow, but expect something by Thursday.
And just for the record, I made up Hanu'Vel, I don't know the Tarkas for fish.



The next day, Bradley was looking on as Waruti played chess with a Hiver Worker, another Chekin apparently. The female Tarkas seemed to like the idea of the king being the most important piece, while the queen was the most powerful. She was, however, getting soundly beaten. Chekin had pinned her king in one corner and was systematically demolishing the rest of her defence. She frowned with concentration, looking for any way out of the situation. The Hiver said something, Bradley couldn't tell without the translation unit to help. He'd managed to memorise a few words and phrases, but his lack of the correct mouthparts and inability to create or detect pheromones left him at a disadvantage in conversation. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to find Sar had finished checking over his equipment and had walked over.

“He's beaten her three times already.â€
Ernest Hemingway once said the world is a good place and worth fighting for. I agree with the latter sentiment.

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